Notes
True rewards in our life stem from our ability to possess self-confidence. With it, we’re more willing to take risks, put ourselves out there, and prevail through challenges. While practicing habits that help grow our confidence is important, it’s equally important to learn to let go of the things that diminish it.
Let go of comparison
One of Brene Brown’s “guideposts” in The Gifts of Imperfection is about letting go of comparison. Comparing ourselves to others is something we do subconsciously and often don’t realize the negative impacts it has on us. We work so hard to possess skills and knowledge to be able to run in the pack with the others, and then get mad at ourselves that we’re not the fastest in the pack. That sort of thinking is bound to drive us crazy.
Letting go of comparison will require contact awareness, but we can access another c-word to help us: creativity. Many people see “creativeness” as an innate quality, you either have it or you don’t. But at its core, creativity is an expression of our or originality. Tap into this unique resource and remind yourself that what you have to bring to the table is completely original and can never be replicated. No one has lived your life, your experience, and has your knowledge. Staying mindful about this concept will help us let go of demeaning terms like “best” or “worse”.
Let go of procrastination
We all have moments where we doubt our abilities, it’s part of being human. The trick is realizing when it arises and knowing how to tackle it. In Vex King’s book, Good Vibes Good Life, he connects self-doubt to procrastination. Anytime we lead with excuses, allow distraction, or wait until something is absolutely unavoidable, we are giving into procrastination. And guess what? People who are prone to procrastination also possess a key characteristic: self-doubt. We are guilty of giving ourselves imaginary needs (“I need this to happen first”) that keep us from moving forward. Break a task, or a fear, into bite-sized goals so that each time we accomplish a piece we provide our brains with a dopamine hit that keeps us going.
Let go of perfection
Confidence is easily stunted by the idea of perfection. If we expect nothing but the absolute best from ourselves, we’ll be hesitant to try anything without complete certainty of the outcome. Barbara Markway, author of The Self-Confidence Workbook, writes, “If we believe we have to have something all figured out before we take action, those thoughts can keep us from doing the things we value.” Perfection also diminishes confidence because the reality is we are never going to get it right all the time; we’re human and we will error. Trust me, the only person who is expecting you to be perfect – is you.
Reflections
I have a confession to make: I struggle with self-confidence. That was probably one of the hardest things to admit to myself when I started my personal journey of discovery. If you’ve spent time with me you’re probably just as surprised as I was at coming to this revelation. On the surface, I’m outgoing, friendly, and can strike up a conversation with any stranger. Yet, I’ve been having deep conversations with others in my life who also revealed to me that they struggle with it, too – and they’re some of the most outwardly confident people I know.
This led me to a couple of realizations:
- You can be both outgoing and/or courageous and also lack self-confidence.
- Even the most bold person you know probably still struggles with some level of self-confidence.
I fell into the trap of thinking that I couldn’t possibly be struggling with self-confidence while also possessing these personality characteristics, but that’s just not true. You can be both. Coming to this realization was strange, but it allowed me to start my growth in an area that I wouldn’t have recognized the need for otherwise. I believe that self-confidence is so much deeper than surface level. It means truly believing the things about yourself that you’ve convinced everyone else are true.
