Notes
Most of us don’t even recognize that we’re being inauthentic. From birth we are subconsciously conforming to what our caretakers, friends, and society asks of us, and becoming who they think we should be.
Authenticity requires self-love
In Brene Brown’s book, The Gifts of Imperfection, her first of ten guideposts to living a wholehearted life is “Cultivating Authenticity”. Being authentically you takes an enormous amount of self-love because it requires you not to care what people think; to let go of any shame and fear of not being good enough. Essentially, we need to become more vulnerable.
There are risks to not being authentic
It can look scary to suddenly be OK with being vulnerable, especially in a society where we’re praised for being tough. What I didn’t realize is that the risk of not being authentic is just as damaging. It can cause anxiety and even depression when we feel trapped and unable to express our true selves. As Vex King mentions in Good Vibes, Good Life, we may even risk losing friends who don’t align with the frequencies of our true selves. There will definitely be people who can’t deal with your authenticity, but the ones who remain are the people in your life you build the strongest, most important connections with.
Authenticity fosters connection
Being authentic is what ultimately allows us to experience true connection. When we’re at our most honest and vulnerable, that’s when we open up enough to allow others inside our minds and hearts. Vex mentions that it’s this connection with others that can lead to inspiring change in those around you. By showing you accept yourself just as you are, you are unknowingly giving them the freedom to also be their authentic selves.
Reflections
Ever since middle school when my older sister brought home something called a hair straightener, I’ve been obsessively blow drying, flat ironing (and then often curling) my hair. It always seemed like a ridiculous amount of work getting my hair to a place that allowed me to feel good about my appearance, and myself At 31 years old, I finally came to the realization that I had curly hair and was actively fighting its natural wave my entire life. Cut to a year later, I haven’t spent more than five minutes styling my hair and I feel like I have weight lifted off my shoulders (literally).
It may be small and arguably superficial, but it makes me feel incredibly free to wear my hair the way it wants to be worn. Not because it looks the best (trust me, it’s a nest most days), but because I feel a sense of release expressing a natural, often messy, side of myself.
Brene said it best in her book: “Choosing authenticity and worthiness is an act of resistance”. It may be something small at first (like wearing your natural hair), but it’s a movement where we give ourselves the freedom to stop pretending and start living.
