Notes
Acceptance is not only indispensable when it comes to living a life of self-love, it’s the key to loving others and embracing all facets of our lives. The most important place we can start is with self-acceptance. Harnessing acceptance of ourselves is essential to accepting others, our differences, and the uncertainty of life in general.
Accept yourself. Period.
Brene Brown’s entire first book was all about seeing our imperfections in a positive light. And the one heavy, persistent monster that hinders our progress in this area is perfectionism. At its core, perfectionism is about trying to earn approval and acceptance; it feeds on what other people think. Most perfectionists were praised for their achievements and this dangerous belief system tells them “I am what I accomplish”. Accepting ourselves starts with letting go of perfectionism so that our self-worth isn’t constantly on the line.
In Vex King’s book Good Vibes Good Life, he writes that “perfection is about perception”. For example, with society and businesses defining what is traditionally “beautiful”, it’s hard not to fall victim to self-criticism. However, just because society has defined something does not make it right or true. We make choices on whether we like chocolate or vanilla, sunshine or rain, and we can also choose what we see as beautiful. So if we have the choice, why not choose ourselves?
Acceptance doesn’t always mean seeing eye to eye.
Acceptance means knowing that you won’t always be understood. You’ll encounter many people throughout your life who are willing to put you down… You shouldn’t be one of them. Your inner words will manifest how you feel, whether they be words of negativity or words of support. Changing your inner dialogue to one that has your back will help show others how to treat you.
Acceptance also means knowing you won’t always understand others. However, understanding isn’t synonymous with acceptance. There’s a clear distinction between loving and accepting someone for who they are and agreeing with them. If you can accept and love yourself unconditionally, you can accept and love others in the same way. Yung Pueblo writes in Inward, the famous golden rule has it backwards. It should really be, “treat yourself how you want to be treated”.
Acceptance is our ticket to inner peace.
In Maria Shriver’s book I’ve Been Thinking…, she writes that acceptance is the key to living blissfully. If we are to find it within ourselves to accept ourselves – both the light and the dark that exists within us – we will be on our way to finding peace. We all want to be accepted; we all want to belong. If we can foster this culture of acceptance, we will have a peaceful world.
Reflections
I recently completed the Headspace meditation course around Acceptance. For those of you unfamiliar with Headspace, you can choose meditation “packs” that offer you insight on topics such as self-esteem, relationships, navigating change, etc. I chose the Acceptance pack because I feel like 2020 has asked all of us to blindly accept a lot, and for many of us that’s accepting the state of our social lives. When I dove into the course, I assumed the insight the instructor gave would revolve around concepts like finding the silver lining and learning to live with what you’ve got and be grateful. I was completely surprised by its main message.
Early on in the course, the instructor poses a question to you. He asks meditators, “What or who are you resisting?”. I never thought about acceptance in that light before. I had always seen acceptance as something you possess, but the way he frames it makes sense to me now. If you find yourself not accepting your situation, the actions of others, or the state of the world, it’s because you’re resisting something. Maybe you’re resisting the thought of losing your job because that makes you feel like a failure, or you can’t accept how your sibling feels about the latest insane conspiracy theory because that would mean you didn’t know her like you thought you did. Turn the feeling in on itself and ask yourself, what is it that you’re resisting?
We’ve all heard the saying “what you resist, persists” and it’s completely true. Once you give what you’re resisting some space to breath, it suddenly doesn’t feel so suffocating. It doesn’t mean giving in, changing what you believe or who you are, but it means tapping into your heart and figuring out why the situation is giving you so much struggle. Usually, this will tell you something about yourself, such as what you’re afraid of and what you value. Next time you find yourself repelling from a situation you’re in and not feeling like you can accept it, look within to discover what idea, feeling, or belief you might be resisting. Then, give it some space to just be there. The resistance will ease up and acceptance will begin to take its place. They can’t take up the same space in your mind; one of them will need to scootch over and make room.
